Saturday, March 9, 2024 at 5:36 pm

I will be honest—this is not my first time writing a failed blog. I started one in high school, thinking it would blow up. It did not, and I did not pay to keep the blog up. Yes, those thoughts are lost in this vague space called the internet. It has been 10 years since that day, and I have become successful on paper but empty inside. I thought that when I came up with a list of material things to add to my life, it would become more satisfying. I thought a list of goals that I wanted to develop would be a lot of fun and keep my mind off things. But a weird thing has happened in the last three years. I have achieved it. “It” was the dream of the 18-year-old who had no idea how life worked. Maybe the bar was too low to be a challenge.

So why have I decided to write a blog? What difference will this put thoughts from my brain to my fingers to the keyboard to this blank screen in front of me, to the internet, to maybe be read by no one? I am going to be honest, not a whole lot. Maybe I can get use of my Grammarly subscription and improve my writing. Maybe I can get control of life before it slips away from me, and I am faced with being 80 years old with nothing to show for it. There is a lot of maybe’s. There isn’t a lot of concrete planning here. But there is a start. Maybe I will even hit publish after I am typing this unwinding blog that lacks a proper structure and grade-nine-level grammar.

I have to laugh at what I have just written in the intro… If a random person approached me at a party and said anything above, I would probably respond with “WOW dude, chill. Smell the roses.” But you are here for a story, so let’s see if I can keep your attention.

Okay—now for the meat and potatoes after a bad appetizer; sorry for the food poisoning in advance. I am told that the way to move forward is to take stock of what is going well today and what I would like to improve for tomorrow.

Today – I have a terrible YouTube and Reddit addiction. Addiction here is a strong word so let’s define it.

addiction

noun

ad·​dic·​tion ə-ˈdik-shən  

1: a compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit-forming substance, behaviour, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well-defined symptoms (such as anxiety, irritability, tremors, or nausea) upon withdrawal or abstinence: the state of being addicted

2: a strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in something repeatedly

Every generation has its quirks, right? I think Generation Z will definitely struggle with this one and Generation Alpha has even more of a disadvantage than Gen Z. Why? There is a weird phenomenon being raised with the internet, it’s not like Television. I can get what I want when I want it and be continuously entertained without boundaries. It used to be that Millenials, I am told, would have to wait for Saturday Morning Cartoons or wait for their mom to finish their call to get on the internet using dial-up. Today, it is consumption without constraint. If you want AITA forums, one seems to be created every 10 minutes. If you want to to doomscroll, open any app, and there are no brakes or time restrictions on this stuff. If you had an endless supply of narcotics, people would hopefully tell you you have a problem. But this tech addiction is done in the privacy of our own homes, with each person having a personal device for their own customized entertainment. Want Saturday Night Live from 10 years ago – you got it. Want a documentary on tanks from World War 2, sure! Want to see the Kardasian’s ugly cry – nothing can stop you.

How do we get control of our lives? It comes down to self-control. It looks like these large tech giants have won. Link to how many users on Youtube from Stastitca. The population of India was 1,4 billion people in 2021, and the audience size from India was 462 million in 2024 (33% of the population). The population of the United States was 331 million people in 2021, and the audience size from the USA was 239 million (72% of the population). In Canada, the population size was 38 million in 2021, and the audience size was 31.9 million (96% of the population). I pulled a comparison of three countries to show a point. That is a massive amount of people on just a single platform. What about cross-platform usage like Instagram, Snapchat, Reddit, Youtube, Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, TikTok, and the list goes on and on. We should petition to pay these engineers as that is a massive amount of traffic to facilitate.

How many of these millions of users are actively addicted? I would classify myself as one of those who are actively addicted. I started tracking my usage for the past three years and using time blocks from myself using the phone more often. I use these platforms as a mood-altering drug. I use it to spike my dopamine and fend off feelings of loneliness. When else can I sit there and have someone talk to me for an hour straight with good eye contact without me contributing a single one of my own thoughts, and I am not required to put the effort in? But let’s look at some numbers:

Day of Week	Personal Computer	Phone
Sunday	Zero	4 h 11m
Monday	Zero	6h 56m
Tuesday	6h 58m	10h 21m
Wednesday	11h 19m	8h 9m
Thursday	6h 27m	5h 6m
Friday	7h 40m	7h 44m
Saturday (today)	5h 34m	4h 37m

Yikes.

I am honestly surprised.

Keep in mind that I work 40 hours a week full-time, am in the last semester of my MBA, and sleep an average of 7h 7m a night. I feel like this has to be the realization that individuals get on “My 600-LB Life” (which I have been shamelessly binge-watching for the past month) when they get on the weigh scale for the first time in 10 years. WHAT AM I DOING?

This means I spent 106 hours and 2 minutes on the internet this past week. No, I didn’t do any homework this week, so that’s not it. 42 hours were just Reddit and YouTube. I could get another full time job with that time.

There are 168 hours a week, of which I spend 106 hours online, 42 hours sleeping, and 40 hours a week working, for a total of 182 hours. Apparently, I get more hours in a week than the rest of you. I’m just kidding. The increase in online hours is probably when I play a game on my phone while watching a YouTube video.

Holy CRAP! How did I get this get his far in life? How am I going to get myself out of this?

To be honest, I want to doom scroll so badly right now and push these feelings to the bottom of my heart. Ignore them and let them fester.

ok – back to why I even looked at the numbers.

I wanted to prove I was addicted, but I think I was expecting to drive the point home of “I only smoke socially,” which is still a problem, instead of “I have literally only looked at a screen this past week besides when I am napping.” – BIG BREATH IN, BIG BREATH OUT!

How do I get a handle on this issue? I have also binge-watched Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer YouTube Channel. Honestly, what have I not watched is a better question. ANYWAYS, he recommended seeing a therapist for this kind of thing to help you walk through it. Great Advice – if you haven’t, go. Just go. You can book appointments online if you are scared of the phone. I have done that – It made a large difference in how I handled alcohol addiction after the COVID-19 lockdowns, so I have a road map of how I can beat this addiction. My worry is I replaced one addiction with another. I am sure my liver thanks me, but my social life does not.

In one of his videos (that I will not link as that will send me into a Youtube spiral if I look it up and this blog will not be published. No shade on the creators of YouTube, but you are too good at your job), he mentioned that you need to schedule your day so full you do not have time to scroll. I have done that where I filled my Google Calendar so full that I didn’t even have time for a bathroom break, but here is the thing: you don’t have to stick to it. I would look at my calendar first thing in the morning and go, “Nope! What season of Hell’s Kitchen am I going to rewatch today?” while eating pre-made microwave meals. I am living the life, huh?

Here is the thing: this can be either my Day 1 or a repeat of every other day of my life – where I lose my motivation and get “high” on the dopamine rush that is the internet. I will have to allow myself to be bored, not pull up my phone or computer to fill the silence or the void with information coming from people who do not know I exist. I can start today by giving back to my community, giving myself a purpose, and getting healthy. I need to give myself some grace for failing here. I know I will fail by doom-scrolling when stressed or lonely, but I can also get better every day by going out with a friend or walking around the block instead.

Here is my plan, which is more than a “PLA” like Phoebe from Friends, check in here every morning and every evening with an update on my progress. See if I can document what has worked and what hasn’t worked for me so you can learn from my hard mistakes and small achievements. I can’t promise you that it will be perfect but hopefully my day one can help your day one so we can find out what this life has to offer.

Good Luck and Speak Soon,

Changing One Day at a Time