My last published post was on March 26, 2024, and today is November 3, 2024. My resolution to blog once a day for the year fell flat. I know this is not the first time I have attempted to create a routine in my life and failed within the week.
My “why” is not convincing myself. A religious person prays or meditates daily as a conviction to action. It is a response that is greater than themselves. An entrepreneur needs to propel themselves and their business forward as it is required to make a profit and support the company’s growth.
I often wonder if this vigour is something people are born with. Comparing my life to my husband’s, it is a push that is evident first thing in the morning. There is a list that seems to be printed in his head overnight that pushes and motivates him throughout the day. Sometimes, it inspires me, and most often, it is an annoyance as it reminds me of my shortcomings.
There was a time when I could push myself and keep the promises I made to myself. This was when I didn’t believe there was another option, as I did not have a safety net. Like a rat being pushed through a maze while chased by a cat, I was forced to act. That push is gone as I have a relatively stable life, but creating an imaginary boogy man to motivate myself seems insincere.
Countless podcasters are speaking about “the enemy” out to get you. This may be the case that they have rationalized based on their experience, but there are no “haters” out there to get you. The biggest rival you have is yourself. I have a hard time believing that someone has made their life’s purpose to watch and “get” you when you are at your weakest. Perhaps having an extrinsic locus of control motivates others to move forward.
Rather than focusing on becoming motivated, I need to focus on becoming disciplined. Discipline will be consistent despite my feelings or emotions at the time. I realize I let my emotions rule my life. Although I am naturally very stoic, I am reluctant to complete tasks without a spark. As a result, I see myself as an unreliable person. I have countless projects on the go, but none have an end date within the current month.
Regarding motivating factors at work, I no longer see a bonus as a windfall since the returns on my investments have exceeded any bonus I have made. What motivates me is automating my role to zoom out and look at a long-term view of what I can analyze and spark action. That is why routine household tasks are so mundane to me. I would instead create a spreadsheet scenario of what I would like and rather than complete the actions that make the scenario possible.
Another example of completing the analysis is my renovation plan for the basement, which is still pending. I need to take action to consider the beginning of the renovation, including decluttering the items we have in storage in the basement. This results from completing the upstairs renovations, where only what was needed was organized in the kitchen.
So why haven’t I started? The kitchen has been functional since June 2024, and the renovation should have continued over the summer. Instead, on June 3, 2024, I tried to pick up a hobby of running to improve my mental health. While having improved my running time and making continual efforts, I stopped the first week of September.
Again, I had the best of intentions of continuing the effort, as it had great benefits, but I allowed emotions and motivation to dictate whether I continued. I was frustrated with my results and mental resolve during the runs three times a week. I was told running would become more manageable with endurance, and after three months of training, I could still run for three consecutive minutes.
My husband, being very supportive, thought this was due to running in shoes I was using for walking, which would negatively impact my running posture. He generously invested in my hobby for my birthday in early October, and I have still not worn the shoes other than trying them on in the store. Rather than pushing through my mental block, I deflected to a new hobby, road cycling, which had not been ridden except once over the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday.
This was due to my motivation from watching YouTube influencers. I appreciated their tenacity in sticking with their hobby and sharing it online. I must learn the patience to stick with a goal and carry it to completion. In addition, I also need to give myself some grace in allowing myself to pause with a clear timeline of when I will pick it back up.
Again, I need to start with my lack of discipline. I plan on completing the 75-day hard challenge, as I had attempted in my previous blog posts. This will require creating a routine where I can complete my goals. If I fall off the routine, I hope this blogging my progress will allow me to identify root issues and work to overcome them.
Sincerely,
Changing One Day at a Time